The Art of Being who You Are

The Art of Being who you are 

When a baby is born, she has no words.

She is born without language-based thoughts. No mine or yours.

Yet, she is a human being. She has a heart. She breathes. She is. Here and now.

She is aware of her surroundings. She interacts. She is conscious. Just like you and me.

Maybe more. 

The baby has no story about herself. Yet, she is! 

All new-born human beings are born without a concept. You were too.

When adults in my workshop say that they want to find themselves, they search in the wrong place.

Most people look for who they are inside their thoughts. We sit and wonder with words about ourselves. Who am I? But really? Hhhm. We create stories about ourselves. What most of us forget is that we already were alive before we could speak. Life precedes language!

Can language ever pinpoint who you are?

Language is a practical tool, no doubt. It serves to limit options. 

Originally, it was created by us humans to make ordinary everyday interactions easier. 

This was very useful when we lived in caves with tigers sleeping outside. To survive, humans learned to express themselves, to warn their tribe about imminent threats to survival. We learned to cooperate. Build tools. And delegate. Learned to prepare for future threats.

Great. That’s the gift of the human mind. But then the curse kicked in. 

The tool of thinking turned around and started using the user.

Obsession with thinking…

Humans are drawn to excesses. Excesses of power. Excesses of consumption. Excesses of ourselves. And also, excesses with thinking and language. We always want more. 

Now, everything must fit into the boxes our language created.

We have to understand. Make meaning out of everything. Categorize the life out of everything. Even ourselves. We try to pinpoint who we are with a 26-letter limiting system.

That’s like sitting in a puddle of rainwater, claiming you are swimming in the Atlantic Ocean. 

It’s not quite the same thing. Like your Tinder profile picture is not the real you.

Anyways.

I don’t want to discredit thinking here. I love logic and writing stuff.

But can language ever describe the real you? Hardly. 

If you look for who you are only inside of thoughts, the best you can come up with is a convenient story – a personal sales pitch to make interactions more hassle-free. 

To summarise:

Language is like a dress. You can wear a fancy one with glitter. A simple one. An offensive one. A long or a short one. Yet, underneath your dress, you still are who you are. 

And who or what is that, you wonder...

Being who we really are

Humans have exactly two existences. 

First, we are a human being in the moment. A bundle of nerves, sensations, and perception. A human being, right here and now. Second, we have the self. The character. That’s the personal story we have carefully computed over the course of our lives, using language. 

 “Hi, my name is… who?” “Pleased to meet you. I work in science. And you?”

If we want to truly be who we really are, we have to connect more with the first.

And that scares the hell out of us!

Because that means we would have to cry when we are sad, stomp when we are angry, and laugh when we are happy. It means we have to give up control. Take our thoughts less seriously. Trust our body more than our mind. Place more importance on noticing than thinking. 

The simplest, most difficult thing in the world!

In order to be who you are, there is nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing. 

Every tiny bit of voluntary effort does not bring you any closer. Who you really are has never changed. Your story might change. You might have made more experiences. You might have developed a more complex language to convince others. But you are still the same.

So what’s that part of you that never changed?

Your awareness. Your ability to just observe and notice. The content of what you notice changes all the time. Today you feel warm, tomorrow you feel cold. The awareness of both is the same.

The problem is that we have invested too much in thinking, it’s hard to let go. Whenever a thought comes into our awareness, we take it very seriously. Every single thought. 

It’s a learned obsession with language. 

Next time you wonder who the real you is, just observe. It’s just a thought. Not more or less serious than thinking about your next dinner. Who said you have to answer? Just observe the hide and seek game you play with yourself and realize it’s all just thoughts.

The question and the answer are not real. They are just thoughts, nothing serious.

You will never find the real you inside the stream of thoughts.

Yes, thoughts are a part of your awareness and can be helpful and good tools, but you are equally your bodily sensations, senses, and your ability to just notice without attachment. The best story you can have about yourself remains but a grain of sand in the ocean.